girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
