Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
