I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
