this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
