I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
