so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
