I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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