hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
