well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize