I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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