literally had 100 drinks last night.
Your dad touched me again.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
