That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize