You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
