I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
