I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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