OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
