Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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