He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need to sanitize my soul.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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