Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
