She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
