last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
