You're my little dorito
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
