If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
