he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
