I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
