It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I looked at my own cervix.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
