I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
