Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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