I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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