just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
