even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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