bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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