I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
