Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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