But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize