I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
