note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize