he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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