True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize