she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
