On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
