yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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