Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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