Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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