He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
