I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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