pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i now understand why vodka
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
