oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
