just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
high people should be assigned attendants
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
