Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
