I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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