Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize