I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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