all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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