i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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