i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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