I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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