I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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