I think I won the penis lottery.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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