Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
