Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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