Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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