is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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