You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
