We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
