i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
