all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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