How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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