She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
