my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize