Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
