I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
