I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
