New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
