It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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