Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
