my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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