Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
