It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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