worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
